Well, I tried. I'm trying.
But I still want to move to Tennessee SO BADLY.
I pretend that I'm okay with staying here. But then a picture of our Nashville trip pops up during our screensaver. Or Cameron says, "Mom, I'm so excited to move to Tennessee". Or I get an email from Realtor Eric with the latest homes for sale. Or that new show "School Pride" took place in Nashville on Friday (have you seen it, great show!). Or Cameron will do a puzzle of the United States and hold up Tennessee and say, "This is my favorite state because it has a guitar on it."....having NO idea what it is (that was weird!). Or if I really want to torture myself, I'll read the blog post from our trip!
Or I see an ad for the CMT awards taking place in that arena behind me this week.
Just the word, Tennessee, makes my heart sink and the tears want to gush. I HATE that we fell in love with it and now can't go....
We just don't get it. Why did we feel so good about it? Wanna hear something weird? My dad got elected to be on some Board of something, and turns out he gets paid-for trips to Nashville, Tennessee for conventions twice a year. I mean, C'mon!! It's perfect!!! Even Nate is confused, and he usually just goes about life with quiet faith. Well, we do have faith in God's plan for our family, but I still think we're allowed to feel sadness and sorrow.
We just don't get it. Why did we feel so good about it? Wanna hear something weird? My dad got elected to be on some Board of something, and turns out he gets paid-for trips to Nashville, Tennessee for conventions twice a year. I mean, C'mon!! It's perfect!!! Even Nate is confused, and he usually just goes about life with quiet faith. Well, we do have faith in God's plan for our family, but I still think we're allowed to feel sadness and sorrow.
We told Realtor Eric what's going on, and being the stud that he is, he went into a frenzy and has been calling school districts and state offices trying to find a loophole for us. I don't think he can change the state laws, unfortunately, but it made us love him all the more!! (If you'll remember, he helped us a ton on our trip out there, and was much kinder to us than he needed to be!).
Plan A also included one of these: A long time ago.
(Cam)
(Roo)
Secondary Infertility is real. And it's lonely. And I'm hating every long month of it. Why did we feel good about trying for a baby a year ago??
Well, these are big questions. And someday I'll know the big answers.
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Yesterday afternoon, we took advantage of the schizophrenic Utah weather and enjoyed a gorgeous time at Sugarhouse park again.
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Yesterday afternoon, we took advantage of the schizophrenic Utah weather and enjoyed a gorgeous time at Sugarhouse park again.
Waiting for their chance at some bread.
The bagger at our grocery store went a little overboard giving Cam stickers on Saturday!
We got to stop and see this little guy.....he was SO soft and seriously the cutest thing ever! Getting dogs was also part of Plan A since every lot in TN comes with a HUGE fenced backyard..... Cameron already has them named....
Headed to the playground!
Flying out of the swing....he just learned how to jump off!
And flying off the slide!!
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PS. Giveaway winner posted below!!
15 comments:
I know it's hard when you feel so strongly about something and then it doesn't work out. Part of the greater plan I'm sure. Just hard to stay positive and you're totally allowed to be bummed sometimes!
I wish I knew what to say.
just know that I care and I'm thinking of you.
Utah is so breathtaking. I know your heart is set on TN, but I do beleive you live in a gorgeous setting. It will happen....keep your faith!
And, I can't wait to see the next beautiful child you guys create.
Love Roo's tights. And, baby Roo looks just like her now!
It is hard when dreams don't come true the way we expect. You are allowed to experience your feelings. I'm sorry.
I know you know this but just remember that things happen in the Lord's time. And when they do you can look back and see the wisdom of His ways. This has been true in my life. We've been hoping to move to Seattle for 10 years now. It wasn't until the last couple years or so that I have realized the wisdom of the Lord in making us wait.
Opportunities come up often for us to move but in the end it's not the right opportunity for us. It hurts but I know we are always that much closer to the goal. I have faith that one day we will get there and when we do we'll be prepared for it. Trust that the same is true for your family. I know it is.
There are many opportunities for your family to learn and grow from these experiences as well as touch the lives of others. Hang in there.
Thank you my dear friends for your sweet words. I can honestly say that I have the BEST friends in the world! You guys are my family.
I know it'll be okay, I'm not doubting that things will work out even BETTER than 'Plan A'!! Nate keeps me going, and obviously my children are my entire meaning in life!! I just wanted to record the tough times too so I can look back and see how far we've come!!
I'm with you on the baby thing. We've felt good about another one since May. I hate the waiting game I go through every month. And then I think that it's selfish of me to be sad because I already have four beautiful kids. But I KNOW that we're supposed to have another one. It's very frustrating, and I hold back the tears every month that comes and goes without being pregnant. I just keep having to remind myself that the Lord's timing is different than my own.
I'm sorry things aren't working out the way you want them to. We're thinking of you and hoping things work out even better than you had planned. We love you guys.
I really REALLY know how you feel. The right timing and place will happen and you'll look back and think...oh my gosh if had happened the way I wanted it to...then I wouldn't have this perfect life right now. For reals. Good luck :)
I agree.. sometimes you have no idea why things they way they are and what order they are happening in. It's hard especially if you have no clue what the outcome could be or what good can come of it. Hang in there! You and Nate are so strong!
SOO with you on this. It's beyond discouraging when you truley FEEL like your supposed to do something, or the time is right or whatever, and it doesn't work out. It's easy to say things will work out in the end, because we all know they will, but I'm sure that's not what you want to hear right now. Sometimes it just plain SUCKS. And I'm sorry!!!! *hugs*
I love you my friend and I KNOW the Lord has great things in store for your beautiful family...because of your faith. Sometimes our planning is at a different pace from His plans...it just require patience on our part something I know you know already. Miracles are when we think there is no way...but God always have a way!
Hang in there (I know you are!). That puppy is the cutest thing EVER!
Im sorry Becca =(
You guys should look into Teach for America. They send recent grads to inner-city schools to teach. Nate would be hired on as a first year teacher - full salary, benefits, etc. It is a two year commitment and they pay for your classes to get your license and such. I'm sure it would be super easy to stay on staff and/or transfer to a better school once the two years are up. They have a placement in Memphis... I know it's not Nashville, but it would take care of his license issues and what not. Maybe after Memphis you could move to Nashville. Just a thought! Look into it -
http://www.teachforamerica.org/about-us/
I lied! They do have one in Nashville...
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