I try my hardest to keep my blog uplifting and positive. But I'm struggling lately. Feeling somewhat defeated as a mother. The uphill battles with my beautiful Cameron never seem to end, and I. HATE. IT.
I typed up everything that is bothering me and stressing me out and making me cry. And then I deleted it. Because Cameron doesn't need to read all of that later on. The details of it don't matter.
I'm doing the best I can with him. Most of the time I'm just guessing. I honestly don't know what I'm doing. I have made a lot of mistakes. There are SO many days where I say outloud, "WHAT do I do?"
But I've also made a lot of progress. More than anything I try to put my own feelings aside and just LOVE him.
I'm just so tired. It never seems to end. It's been a really long 5 years.
Sometimes I feel really alone in my quest to raise him well. I feel like it's me against the world. Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I think I can't keep doing this anymore. But the sun always comes up. The days keep coming and somehow I get through them. I'm just so tired of fighting with him over everything. Every day. Every hour.
I love him so much. I love him more than anything.
My dear sweet Cameron, we're going to get through this, right? You're going to turn out all right, and I will somehow still be standing when you're 18 and I send you off into the world, right?
40's Reunion
3 weeks ago
6 comments:
I have always thought you were a fantastic mother and I do even more so now. Being able to admit that motherhood is difficult is not an easy task. You handle it all beautifully.......and I'll know you'll get through this beautifully.
And, if it helps, I'm 11 years into this whole motherhood thing and I still kind of feel like I'm winging it. :)
I'm telling you Becca - Cam and James are cut from the same cloth! I have had my fair share of days with him when I wonder WHY he is so intent on fighting with me and arguing with me EVERY step of the way! Perhaps it would help us both if we sent some emails back and forth and discussed our trials and tribulations of our dear boys in more detail... we could support each other and perhaps share the things that DO work with them! :-)
I'd love that Heidi.
I feel so alone in this. Sure, everyone has difficulties with their children, but Cam is stubborn in a way that sets him apart from the typical difficult child.
Let's definitely discuss further in emails... in the meantime Anonymous has a valid point... maybe after his birthday next month I'll put James on Dr Sears Elimination diet and check to make sure something he is eating isn't causing issues as well... I did the diet when he was a year old to see if a food was causing his sleep issues (it wasn't) but wouldn't hurt to try again... I can share more details about that particular diet in an email as well... but my brain is pretty fried tonight as we had our interview for home school registration today. It went VERY well and we are now licensed to home school and won't hear from the government for two years! :-)
I think every parent has to have one kid they struggle with. Could it be your personalities are so different or so alike that you guys butt heads?
I don't have the answers. Nobody does. Well, the Lord does and I know you pray about this all the time. Hang in there. It can only get better right? On the really tough days I like to sneak into the kids' rooms and watch them sleep. It softens my heart faster than anything and rejuvenates my energy to tackle another day.
Stubborn personalities can be very difficult. But I believe that it can also be a blessing. Maybe not right now but just think of how this "weakness" can be a strength as he stubbornly fights for what he believes in - his testimony.
Typing out all the frustrations and then deleting them is very healthy. Get it out and then move on. You're a great mom. Not that you were fishing for compliments. You're probably leaving more of a positive impression on him than you think.
Email me any time with your frustrations. I've been there. Love you!
Just imagine that day - 14 years from now when you're sending him off on a mission - knowing he will be a FANTASTIC missionary and leader because of all that extra energy and strength! Then he will come home and become an amazing father to his kids... kids that will probably have that same personality! ha ha!! You do GREAT!
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